The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1117 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Wonderful. Your title is right on and drew me in. Loved the tales woven in here. THANKS!
04/24/08
Loved this story! Very entertaining!
04/24/08
Awesome and hilarious! I loved this line! "Claire emitted a series of staccato screams that were so loud and high pitched that the lab rats on the Space Station heard them."

I do have to confess though.. I was the kind of girl who chased my boy cousins with the snake the tried to scare me with ;-)
04/24/08
Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. This was too fun to read. (I can so relate to Claire--I HATE snakes.) Very well written. Your descriptions are priceless.
04/25/08
Very enjoyable read. Not all males love snakes - I hate the things!
Very descriptive and well written.
Thanks for sharing
Heehee, I'm with Claire. I don't like snakes at all! (and I've had some pretty scary run ins with them myself) I loved her character, she came to life wonderfully and I was with her all the way to the end when she told Aunt Connie she only wanted girl babies. Cute. ^_^
04/28/08
Very good and very visual. Just one note..."colic" is an intestinal condition. The thing in your hair is a "cowlick." Supposedly it's what your hair would look like if a cow licked it with its wiggly tongue.
Ewww...
04/28/08
This was so light and funny. I was a bit of a tomboy too, but I have always hated snakes. Your descriptions were amazingly vivid as usual!
04/28/08
What a funny (yet terrifying) story! I join Claire in her fear of snakes. It was very descriptive and drew us right in. Great title too. Thanks for sharing!
04/28/08
One of the best titles ever, and some simply splendid writing. I grinned all the way through it, and I love your narrator's wry humor.

Red Ink: Take a look at this sentence:

“The turtle would’ve been okay, but you know I hate snakes.” He couldn’t keep the Cheshire grin off his face, and it became contagious. She stifled a giggle, which invited a spittle-snarf from him.

The speaker is Claire, but then the next sentence begins with a male pronoun. I had to go back and read it a few times to figure out who exactly was speaking there. Easy enough to fix by replacing "he" with "Tim."

This is my favorite so far...just the right misture of tart and sweet.
I could picture the whole thing happening. This was a very entertaining read, and well written, too. Thumbs up.
04/28/08
Fun! I snickered all through this. You did a great job painting this--I could see it, play-by-play.
I really enjoyed the description of the boa in the coffee table. I could picture it moving around in there, and I can understand what a fright that would have been for a young girl.

Your title is really fun, and it entices the reader to check out your story.

Nice writing. I appreciate you sharing this. :)
I love the beginning... it drew me in even more than your title!
04/29/08
Highly entertaining.
04/30/08
Eww, eww, eww! I'd have nightmares, too, if I had to stay in a house with a boa in a plexiglass coffee table! Great story! Love the characters. (By the way, is it "colic" or "cowlick"? Never am sure of that, but "colic" made me think of an infant ailment!)
This sounds exactly like something my brothers and I would do, except it would be with horned-toads racing across the kitchen table : )
Very well written and entertaining.
04/30/08
I could not stop reading and laughing. Maybe this is why God gave me boys? "Battle of the Reptiles" LOL
05/06/08
I almost didn't read it because I'm so terrified of snakes, but I'm glad because it was such a good and funny read. Thank you, thank you!