The Official Writing Challenge
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Wow. That is the longest week ever. I feel sorry for her, and I could identify the choppy pace of the memories and as they came. The end was bittersweet, but I liked it. Nice job. ^_^
04/28/08
While there were a few comedic moments (and phrases) "pernickety ninny" "sibling turncoats" and I had to laugh at the cow's milk paragraph. :) yes, the wry comedy came through, but perhaps was overshadowed … I felt sorry for the girl. Maybe it's because she was a child and couldn't change her circumstances (you used words like "terribleness" "terrified", perhaps if an adult was put in this situation, it would have been more humorous. I felt the burrs… we had them in Iowa too. The John Wayne paragraph was fun. I enjoyed seeing the slice of country life through the eyes of the ten year old city girl. (since I grew up in the country). I liked your "thread/cable" element that you tied this together with.
I thoroughly enjoyed this! I can also relate. You made me feel for the girl who was "out of her element." Yet no harm was done, and she grew in ways she didn't even realize. The voice you gave her was perfect. I definitely picked up on the humor. Your detail and descriptions are vivid and well-worded.
04/28/08
Very, very good writing--your word choices and descriptions are great, as is your characterization.

I'm still debating your use of present tense. While I'm generally a fan of present tense, it's not the way that a 10-year-old would speak/write, and as she's the narrator, the voice just didn't "work" at times. If this had been done in the past tense, as an adult recalling the long week, all of the word choices and "grown up" sentences would make more sense.

But I'm not sure. One of those "writer's choice" things, and this is very, very good.
04/28/08
You did a really good job of describing the scene. I could picture what was happening.

I think I agree with Jan's observation. The voice sounded too old for a 10-yr old--but would make sense for an adult looking back.

Strong entry--and I really like the last line.
I agree with the comments about using present tense here. It is written the way an older person would tell it, when looking back. For instance, the part about what she would grow to appreciate later... as a 10-year-old she did not know that yet, so could not speak of it.

Otherwise it is well written, and I enjoyed it.