The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
04/10/08
I love the descriptions in this piece and I love the lesson learned. Very good writing!
Laury
A great lesson. I especially liked the last statement. Very well written.
04/12/08
The descriptions had my mouth watering. The conversation from granny was a little deep, I thought, for a nine year old, but 750 words doesn't give you a lot of time to ease into the lesson a little more over a longer time period, does it? Nice work.
04/12/08
Great imagery, and I love the relationship between these two. Enjoyed this read.
04/12/08
Oh how you reminded me of picking berries with my grandma. Wonderfully written. I can just taste the fruit!
Great writing. Great message. I loved the added details (bees flying around, etc.) Good job.
I loved every part of this. The descriptions, the dialogue... everything. What a wonderful grandma to weave a Christian truth into berry picking.
So very, very well written.
04/13/08
This was so beautifully done...vivid descriptions and dialogue. I loved the line, "They’re trusting thorns instead of God.” So good.
04/13/08
I also like the last line. The relationship between these two characters is as sweet as the berries they're picking. I felt my arms itch just reading these vivid descriptions of the berry bush! I especially like the description of the berry in her mouth-just the way it's done when you find a sweet, ripe berry!
You captured this event so well and the lesson is perfect. Thanks and keep writing.
“I’m so glad you’re a strawberry Gran.”

I loved the last line.

I liked the lesson that you presented in this. I have caught myself being one of those people that puts thorn around me, afraid of getting hurt by people. Praise God that he helps us shed those thorns and share our sweetness with the world around us.

I know you like red ink, but it is so hard for me to red ink this. I really didn't think that the lesson was too deep for the girl, because kids nowadays are very smart and understand a lot more than we even realize.

All I can say is great job Shirley. Yet another wonderful entry from you. :)
04/14/08
Shirley, this is absolutely charming, and the sensory details really add so much atmosphere to your story.

My only red ink would be about the realism of the dialogue; I just can't imagine a real little girl asking those kinds of questions, and coming to the realizations that grandma is leading her to. (Maybe I just didn't know the right kinds of little kids.) But as a kid's story, it definitely works.
04/15/08
YOur original descriptions are SO excellent. This one was my favorite:
Leah took Gran’s gnarled berry-stained hand and squeezed it.
04/16/08
The paragraph discribing the process of enjoying a berry is my favorite part. Good discriptions.
I love the strawberry comparison here! (I also like this delightful grandmother!) I loved the character of Leah and how you showed us her grandmother through her eyes, it was a neat summery kind of story.

RED INK: I don't know if a 9 year old would say "wise answers" unless she heard it somewhere first, generally, they pick something a little more...kid-like. lol. Nice job! ^_^
04/16/08
I used to pick berries with my grandma. Thanks for a trip down memory lane. Charming in every way.
04/17/08
Way to go! This so deserved the wonderful recognition it received!
04/17/08
Yea, Shirley! congrats on highly commended!!!!
04/17/08
Congratulations on your Highly Commended. Good job.
04/18/08
Oooh, Shirley - just wanted to put it on here "officially" (LOL whatever that means) that you not only came in fifth in your level, but you were 15th overall. Awesome, girl!
07/22/08
Mmmmmm.... just picked a bowlful this morning! There's nothing in the world like a raspberry right off the bush!
(thanks for commenting on my blog)