The Official Writing Challenge
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I was completely confused by the ending of this story. Did I miss something? It went from a race for her life against an abusive husband to a birthday gift?
The piece was a little confusing. If written a little differently, it could have been a humorous story but the part relaying the previous spousal abuse was sobering. The ending, to me, seemed an attempt to lighten up the story, which until that point was on the brink of intense and even sad. There wasn't clear focus throughout. But by either ending it on a more serious note or by changing the tone of the story to humorous,it could be very good.
If you're completely confused about what I just said, please email me and I'll try to explain myself a little better. LOL
Blessings, Lynda
Unless I have completely missed it, I believe this article may at first sight give the impression of a victim of abuse...but I found something else through the words... parents racing to the store, even to the point of running each other off the road, in order to become...the favorite parent...the one who got the birthday present the child wanted..
Grandma...obviously in on it from the beginning...Right?
I think this was a clever article.
I'm thinking that the drama of the first 2/3 of the story was so strong that it drowned out the more humorous ending at the bottom. I'm guessing that the parents are seperated (or near seperated) and thus competing for the "favored" status of their child. This was demonstrated by the race for the toy. It has an undercurrent of sadness ... lacking parental unity and love. It hurts the humor side (I had the same problem in "The Other Woman" in Favoritism). Strong descriptions... and way to grab the emotions! You had a thriller and didn't recognize it! lol! Certainly nothing to be embarassed about!
It was a rather shocking end, but over-all I really enjoyed it!
I agree with Maxx and Amy, this is a gripping read overall. Just needs a little tweaking to be a stunner.
This piece is exceptionally written with the only thing missing being, perhaps, an addition sentence or two in order to segue into the unveiling of the true nature of the nail-biting chase. I loved the change-up ending.
Wow, what awesome writing...Amazing, just amazing!