The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/09/08
You did a wonderful job of showing your readers all of the emotional turmoil your protagonist is going through. Very well done.

The only thing I'd change is a few bits of dialogue which sounded just a tad stilted. Something as simple as using a few contractions will do the trick.

This is one of my favorites so far.
02/09/08
Love the interaction between the two MCs, and the peek into her feeling hurricane ;) Great hope at the end too.
I always enjoy a nice romance. I'm glad to see that she stopped judging him by the company he kept.
Wonderful descriptions -especially of her emotional turmoil. Great story.
Your writing style simply begs to be expanded into a novella or more. I did notice you did not give your main protagonist a name in the first paragraph and I thought it was the sun sitting in the chair : )

Things seemed a bit rushed because of the word limit, but I did like your closing line to tie it all together.
A cute little spring romance in the air here. I liked the light tone and how they were able to finally go out to lunch and all. It's too bad her brother couldn't be a little 'nicer' that she's worried about his friends-as his sister. This was good-and on topic too! ^_^
02/14/08
Kind of a Valentines day story. Nice, sweet, tickles the ol' mushy nerve. Good work!