The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/09/08
Very good dialog especially. Realistic - and I like the end.

This was a touch predictable, but not sure what to do about it with the "moral" already known.

I was definitely engaged.
02/11/08
Great lesson in jumping to conclusions, and in stereotyping. Well-written.
Well written with good dialogue. the only suggestion I have is to try to be a little more subtle with the topic.Surprise yourself, and you'll surprie the reader! Loved the dialogue!
I like the story, with it's twist, though I guess I was rooting for Mark.
One thing that wasn't quite clear to me was whether or not Sunny had been in the first lineup.
I probably don't have much room to talk, as my own entry is rather ambiguous about this, but this is a quote from Deb's clarification for this topic on the forums:
"The bottom line is that the entries have to come to a place of showing the wisdom of the proverb's meaning."
Had the DNA not been available, and the officers were relying only on the proverb, Mark would have gotten away with his crime, and Sunny falsely charged.
Well written entry and engaging story. I may be wrong but it seems more "anti proverb" to me?
Hmmm, the twist was there, but I wasn't quite expecting it, so it was Mark after all? The 'good guy'? And where did she get the DNA from? A few more details would smooth this out just wonderfully! Great job though, I liked how the two officers were comparing the 'suspects'! ^_^
I enjoyed this story from beginning to end as well, but thought the ending needed to be more subtle then it was. It did show that some can fool people even if they "appear" to hang with the right crowd.