The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1216 times
Member Comments
Enjoyed these characters - you did a good job of that. I found the dialect a little "off," somehow - some of the language seemed too sophisticated for the dialect near it - but it could just be my stereotypes. I love your last line - works just right.
Good job. I could empathize with the mother and how weary she must have been. Loved that she was accomodating to her husband's dreams, and that he understood her needs as well. Fit the topic and was an enjoyable read.
I liked this story. I felt like I was there with them. That would be me dragging along behind even the slowest child:) This kept my interest up. Good writing!
Very creative and well written. I liked the whole "settler thang!" Reminded me of Little House in the Prairie.
Your piece is engaging from the beginning. The dialogue is genuine. The details bring pictures to mind. This piece has the makings of a classic. Keep writing! God Bless.
I tell you what ... you did a fantastic job of taking a risk ... of having some fun ... of experimenting.

I thoroughly enjoyed this and had no trouble with the dialog - and I loved the atmosphere you created.

I never cared for 'Little House on the Prarie' but yours seems like a true slice of life during those difficult early years of our country.

I love the story! I enjoyed the language and it seemed very realistic to me. I want to read more :-) I love pioneer stories and this sounds like one I would pick up to buy!
I love your story! I know the struggles were great for the pioneer families and you made this so real. The "tear...shining in the firelight/jewel" was perfect at the end.
Excellent descriptive writing, especially the 8th paragraph. Very enjoyable read.
Excellent details--the dark coldness of the trees, the tear on her chin--and many, many more. A wonderful sense of time and place.
This reads like a real scene from a historical/western novel. Nice job, Dee! I sort of slipped into the sort and fumbled around through the shadows with them! This was great! ^_^
Definitely an excellent portrayal of scene, characters, and emotion.
You are so good at mood, atomosphere, dialogue (think Harper Lee) and story telling that it's hard not to get so involved with your story that you simply want to know more. The jewel in the tear wraps this story up so beautifully...which means you are good at allegory, too.
what an image--"these here ‘ol oaks an’ hickories watchin’ him go." I loved the depiction of her giving up when she wouldn't even hold the baby. The possum line was perfect as well. Keep it up!
This is a perfect historical story. Your descriptions are absolutely vivid. The hard days of the settlers is presented very clearly. I loved the voice. He's just a young boy having to grow up way too fast.
Excellent first line and the rest didn't dissappoint. Great job, Dee. God bless.
I loved the image of the tree arms and the other poetic descriptions too.

I found the dialect difficult too, probably because I am not familiar with it.