The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
01/28/08
There's a lot of wonderful-ness here...the choppy pacing, the girl's voice, the alien-ness, even your interpretation of the proverb. I get it, and you did a super job with the writing.

The problem is, and maybe I've suggested this before, when you create a whole alternate world, you need many more than 750 words to show that world to your readers. So we're left not quite sure what's going on, even though it may be perfectly obvious to you, because it's your world. Did that make sense?

Your own gift is definitely not held captive--you're an astounding young writer.
01/29/08
Wow, what a creative mind you have. Great writing!
01/30/08
Way to go stretching out of the proverbial box. I enjoyed the continued theme.
The intensity of the piece was palatable and the intrigue as to what was happening had this reader keen and on edge. It will take a couple of reads to fully understand, but your use of words and mood setting is top notch.
01/31/08
Wow! You are an excellent writer with this story. I was fascinated with the names you used for your characters. I wish I could read more.
01/31/08
As the others have commented, this is very creative. It's on topic and very visual. I also wish I could have some background about the setting and what led to this point in the story because I feel like I'm just missing that ONE piece of info to get me to see the whole picture. If you write whole books like this, wow-awesome!
There are many things I don't understand, but there is no denying the talent in this writing. How would the gift of levitation allow her to control the broom and cloths? At the beginning, she was assigned a servant's tasks because she used her position position for better arrangements, yet later it was for stating her opinion about someone. Who does she want revenge on? Does she get it? And I'm stumped at the ending. But never the less, I enjoyed reading this mysterious story and pondering my questions. :)