The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1087 times
Member Comments
Cute story which makes a great point for a common scenario. Good job!
oooh, OUCH! That fall had to hurt! Remodeling can be a real pain when there isn't enough cash or time to see the product through to the end. I liked how you built up to this and especially the ending with her vanity over her vanity...that was hilarious! ^_^
Since my husband and I are working on our house I can relate! It's easy to get carried away with wanting what other's have, only to find out it's not all that! LOL The only suggestion I have is that you limit your adverbs. Your readers don't need to be told he's asking "innocently" or she's responding "indignantly" - show them through the dialogue. Your dialogue is great by the way! Keep up the good work!
This was a fun, fast-paced read.
It is a sad thing when people define themselves by their stuff.
Ooo, Ooo, Oooo - I get the title. "Vanity" as in being vain - as well as where you sit to put on makeup. Love it!

Great story. Very engaging.

Wait until they get their next water bill.
This is so true to life for us westerners - always wanting bigger and better 'stuff,' you illustrated the message perfectly.
Love your panache for telling a story and delivering a message with a punch that drives it home.
What fun to read of this couple and her discontentment. The shower "scene" was great. I love your title. You've written this very well.
Yes, after all that hard work, it's still not right! A wonderful lesson packed into this story. The newness wears off fast and then you're just left with a...bathroom! Good twist on the topic.
Great pun in the title, and a very apt lesson.

RED INK: I'd work on dialog. Instead of tags, especially tags that indicate mood, trust your actual dialog to show your reader what the mood is. Otherwise, your tags become redundant--and it's a great way to save on words, too, that can then be used for further plot development or characterization.
Man does this ever strike a common chord. I could just hear my wife and I having the same discussion. But luckily, sanity has always kicked in before the first contractor was ever called.
Great job showing this week's topic.
I liked your story and found it so sad that the MC was unwilling to listen to her husband even when he was concerned about how the remodeling was hurting their relationship. What difference does it make what kind of bathroom you have in the end. Good story.
Ditto to what Jan said, but rather than using adverbs, you can describe their body language or facial signs, e.g. instead of saying astonished, you could say that his foot hit the brakes or slipped off the accelerator.