The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Excellent job of establishing the setting and the contrast between the two girls.

Note: "A lot" is always two words. You can remember it by noting that no one ever writes "alittle".

I'd have liked to read more about the second girl--maybe in another story?
You have a lovely, artistic writing style and would make a good novelist. Stories like this deserve to be told at greater length. Liked the unusual setting and the characters. Well done.
I love the contrast and you did an excellent job creating a scene. The second character needs a little more but this is an excellent start to something good. It is very engaging and believable.