The Official Writing Challenge
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A very interesting concept, though I must confess that I got a little confused at points. It was still enough to hold my attention, however, and the parts I did understand were intriguing enough to make me wish I understood the rest of it.
After reading this twice, I was still a bit confused by this piece. You have creative ideas and good descriptions. This needs some polishing to make it stand out.
I liked this entry a lot! I think if I could sort out the characters in a more specific manner, maybe with names or other identification, I'd be able to follow the story better. I feel your descriptions are just gripping, and they kept me reading right to the end.