The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This is very good. You had my attention from the beginning, and kept me wanting to read on.

I'm not sure about Isabell's speech at the end. It might be "lecturing" the teenage reader too much -- like message overload. I think you do a great job of getting a number of messages across in the story, without the big speech. Let each teen reader learn what they individually need to learn from this.

Great job putting the reader in the bus.