The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
06/15/07
I'm going to be honest. This really confused me. (mind you, I am rather naive and am sorta brain-dead at the momment...) Maybe it's just me, but I felt like it was much too deep and complex for the teen genre. If you had named the Uncle and Father, perhaps there would have been more clarification. If this was cleaned and tightened up quite a bit, it could be awesome. Great potential.
06/16/07
You have an almost poetical way with words and I wanted to capture each one, but I think this is beyond your average teen. When I was a teen, I read above my age-level, and I don't completely understand your story now, at way older than teenaged. I could see this being assigned in a HS English class to be studied, tho! And I'm sure there is an audience for this! Can't wait to try your next one. You challenged ME! :)
06/18/07
There's a population of teens that I know well who would absolutely eat this up.

A small detail: I believe it's a BB gun.

Excellent and deep writing, a challenge for the reader who likes to ponder layers of meanings.
06/18/07
So much depth here. I hate to admit it, but I was also a bit lost. Great description, though - and very visual.
This is some deep writing. I think I followed it until the last paragraph, then I'm not sure what took place. at any rate, your writing is poetic and interesting, to say the least. I liked the fact that you used aunt, uncle, and father instead of names. It fit the piece.
06/20/07
I know for a fact I would have to explain this story to both of my teens (ya know the ones who think they know everything at this point). You have a very DEEP writing style which I liked. You have a very good story here and a message which needs to be heard. Keep on writing, your voice needs to be heard.
Hmmm. Interesting. Very deep. I think this needs more room to be explained a little more. It's like there's so much more to the story that we don't know. Like a glimpse from behind velvet curtains. Intresting writing. I think you did good. Oh-and note, it's "BB" gun. My bro has one to shot soda cans. ^_^