The Official Writing Challenge
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Pretty interesting. I like the idea of a 'cricket 1.0' being something space-aged and the setting certainly created a special situation for your MC. The names were a bit of a giveaway though, otherwise, this is pretty good.
I really enjoyed that! So far, it's my favorite! I loved the first person account and the humor. It also made sense to me that something of the like could happen! This was very good writing!
05/20/07
Very creative! Engaging writing. I found some of the scenarios a bit forced, but enjoyed the read.
05/21/07
The central concept--that of an artifical conscience--is very strong and original. The names were a bit gimmicky (let your story tell us about the characters), and there were a few past/present tense issues. But those are easily correctable, and this story has a lot of promise. A very worthwhile cautionary tale.
05/21/07
My favority line is, "The Wholeness of God disappeared and ever since, the government tried to recreate Him." That is so human of us: try to delete God and then try to recreate Him as we want Him, to do our bidding. Good job.
05/21/07
Creative, well-written story! I wonder how the MC got the name "Obeys-Hm" from her unbelieving father? Maybe it came from her godly Grandma, huh? The scenario is scary, but I loved the courage and hope in the MC! :)
05/22/07
I agree, this is one of favorites! Great writing!
05/23/07
Very intriquing concept. I would have liked to have seen a stronger beginning and there were a few places where the narrative bogged down my reading a bit. Otherwise, I enjoyed the dialogue and the ending.
Very interesting and entertaining. thankyou
You expressed your message eloquently through your story. I found the narrative interesting, beginning to end.
Very entertaining. The dialogue was good, as was the message. Kudos.
05/24/07
A very intriguing piece. I thought if a few sentences had been worded differently, they would have flowed better, but I the plot was great, and I enjoyed your story very much!
05/24/07
You have your finger on the pulse of much of the world's problem. It doesn't seem too far-fetched that this futuristic scenario could be realized, more's the pity. Our sci-fi inventions take over more and more of what God's creation has lost due to the ravages of sin and death for sure. Great concept, Friend. I also want to thank you for your kind comment on my sci-fi story. I appreciate you and your writing!
Wow! Much food for thought here! This is my favorite line: "The Wholeness of God disappeared and ever since, the government tried to recreate Him." Nice job. Blessings, Cheri