The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1722 times
Member Comments
Wow - I'd love to know what happens next. That last sentence gave a little bit of hope! It was very original to set this in a different culture.
A captivating story -- reads like it's part of a great novel.
Enjoyable, and very visual. As far as content, however, I've don't preffer the the Guillaume de Lorris-type of "unattainable love" idea. I want my cake, and eat it too, dangit!
I loved the way you used the Japanese culture and names. This sounds like a good novella -- I want to know what happens next. Nice job.
A historical Japanese story, wow, not easy to do I'm sure but you make it look easy. This was a treasure. The dialogue made it all the more authentic.
Well written romance that reminds us that love in any language at any time is truly universal.
Dara, very nice. I loved all the Japanese touches. I'm so glad you're back in the Challenge - I always looked forward to reading your entries.
very good writing of a very difficult situation. Good story.
Wow, this was beautiful! You painted such a lovely word picture. It unfolded like a scene from a movie; I could almost hear Japanese music playing in the background. Very, very good.
Elegant. Great writing, story, voice and flow. This story is so fresh, I have to make one comment. If I was to edit this I would beg you to take out the line about her father's voice, "echoing through her mind". It's the only line that bugged me. I know that;s picky, and I apologize. But the story was so pristine, that one line seemed out of place.
I only wish I could write so smooth and passionatley as you. You are an amazing talent. Again I apologize if my comment offended. but, this was sooooo good, borderline perfect, I had to.
God bless.
As others have said, you have the beginning of a great novela or even or a novel. Masterwriting!
Bittersweet, but absolutely lovely. I like the open ending; I can imagine that they one day came together. Beautifully written!
This story is like a beautiful painting with unforgettable images--excellent writing.
I love this story! It is just full of fragrance (I could smell the blossoms!)and cultural atmosphere. I couldn't comment on it at the time because I was judging. I assure you I gave it high marks.
The story is wonderful. I want to read more about these characters. If you turn this into a longer story, please let me know.
I enjoy reading stories that take me into another time or culture and yours did both. Very good story!
Such atmosphere. You absolutely painted a portrait with your words. Lovely!
Enjoyed this the first time through and it still holds its charm the second time around. Thanks for re-posting!