The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Such a heart-breaking tale! You did an excellent job with the voice, and dealt with several key issues here. Your writing is strong. Personally, I think the scripture inserted near the end is a bit distracting. The repitition of Jesus Loves Me is a great ending.
Wonderful narration, heartbreaking story! Very nicely done.
"Oh, what tangled webs we weave". Such a bittersweet story. In spite of the fact that God is forgiving, results of our actions still exist. This is a good portrayal of a troubled family.
This was a story we all know, but forget quickly. Thanks for bringing it front and center again. As a teacher in an inner city where poverty and crime abound, I always try to keep in mind that I don't always know what's going on in my student's homes. The writing was great, but I agree the scripture seemd out of place and the ending with the song lyrics is enough. I know the point you were making with the scripture, bur perhaps your point can be made within the story instead. I loved the story, though!
Great job with the character's dialect. You captured the realism of the subject. I was left heart-broken but hopeful of God's tender mercy to the tragedies that dwell in our hearts. A well written monologue.