The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
03/03/07
This was pretty good. Try to stay out of passive voice as much as possible. I feel you overused the "forms of be" "had, was, were, etc." and it detracted from the piece as a whole. This definitely has potential if you re-wrote it, trying to avoid overuse of "had," etc. Keep writing!
Your story is a good example of the rewards of patience and perseverance. I enjoyed hearing about Mel's success.
03/05/07
I liked this because it's a good example of what prayer can do. I loved the Proverbs 31 ending. Good job!
Wonderful story with a beautiful ending. I like the way Mel was incouraged but not driven. Teens are very fragile and need careful handling. Good job.
03/07/07
What a beautiful story and so nice to look back and see how God uses our choices! (Went through a similar thing with my daughter) The only suggestion I might have is it would have made it a bit more personal to have thrown in a little more dialogue rather than tell it all:) Otherwise - lovely!!
03/07/07
Top-notch writing skills, and an interesting story!

I wonder if you might consider telling a smaller chunk of this story, and then you could sparkle it up with more dialog and less narration.

I can't imagine sewing one's own wedding dress!
03/07/07
So glad your character decided to follow her dreams, and when God's a part of them, we can't lose. Light and sweet with just the right elements! Nice job. Blessings, Jo
I liked how the story unfolded and the wisdom of the parents in "guiding without pushing" their daughter. Good ending!
03/07/07
Wow - you packed a lot into 750 words! Great detail - I feel like I really got to know the characters intimately.
Trying to compress such a long length of time with so many important events into 750 words is tough to say the least. I think you did a good job, but believe it could have had more muscle with greater use of dialogue and editing by reference.

The message was timely and came across clearly.
03/08/07
A very touching story and a good ending. So glad it turned out well. Thanks for sharing it
03/08/07
This reminds me of my own daughter, Mel. :) I've held my breath and said similar prayers when she's told me of some of her decisions. Most of the time, I do just as this mother did - don't fight her. She'll just get defensive.
Anyway... :)
I enjoyed your story - it's very true to life - this must be told from personal experience. Wonderful writing!!
03/08/07
Wise parents to guide the daughter into realizing for herself what she wanted in life. Great story.