The Official Writing Challenge
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I enjoyed reading this. Your message is right-on. Keep up the good work!
Please post more of your poems at Poetry and Poets of God:
From a non-poet reader, this would be called a really great poem. From a Poet's perspective - this has great thoughts and potential, but the meter and rhythm is off so that it doesn't flow smoothly. However, I did like the wonderful thoughts.
I really like the way you have organized your poem. And, your message at the end is exquisite. Try (1)counting your syllables, to make sure every stanza comes out "even." And (2) read the poem outloud, exaggerating the rhythm, and I think you'll be able to see the few spots where you could tighten the meter and make this the masterpiece it promises to be. Keep writing!
I thought you'd win a DAVEY for this, and you did! I like it.