The Official Writing Challenge
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Speaking from a reader's viewpoint. I'm disappointed. What did Johnny do? What did he teach? What proved his deserving the award? However, from a writer's viewpoint. Suspenseful, very well written...but still, in my humble opinion...unfinished. No satisfactory conclusion for the reader.
I think this was just one of those times when the word count got the better of you. The part with the different teachers all speculating was excellent, and very effectively built up suspense in the readers. I wanted to know much, much more about the student who got the award--he deserves his own story. I really think you maybe should consider running with this one, expanding it--it's got tons of great potential. As always, your writing was superb.
I agree with the others. I want to know what this student did. This would be an excellent story to expand. Also, except for the last part about winning 1st place in national competitions, the description of the band director fit my high school band director to a tee. It was almost freaky. ;)
I also wanted to know what this boy did - DEFINITELY expand this one - or I may just have to hunt you down! (wink) This piece was absolutely WONDERFUL - just needs a bit more added! Great descriptions of the other teachers, by the way!
I want to read more about Johnnie. I am *very* curious. I think this is well written, but does leave one wondering why Johnnie is deserving of this award. Please tell us. Inquiring minds want to know! ;0)
Jan, I really think that you nailed this one. The build up as you described the worthiness of each teacher was great, leaving us asking the question who would win and why. This phrase: 'Johnnie Smith has been the greatest example of faith, hope, and fortitude this community has ever seen.' Said everything that needed to be said about why he was picked. As it stands the last paragraph is too ambiguous, you could have used it to give a hint, just a hint mind. Love di. Yeggy
Your piece was well written and suspenseful. You had me on the edge of my seat for most of the story. I began to care for your characters. I, too, was disappointed in that I didn't know what this young upstart did to earn this. I felt the pain of these teachers who'd worked in the system for so many years. However, you will note that you engaged me in the story so much that I have gotten involved! One last note: I think your title could probably have been shorter and catchier....(is catchier even a word?)
This was pretty good, I enjoyed reading it, but did not fully understand why Johnnie was picked other than for his inner self and perseverance, etc. I liked how you showed the other teachers all getting ready to go up and accept the award then how they all gave Johnnie a standing ovation. Good job with this one!
Great, just great. It was pretty apparent to me that Johnny was one of Mr. Chen's special needs students, and taught everyone by example to persevere with his determination and attitude despite his "disability". I had to snicker when Mrs. McGuffy didn't win. :)
This same story line played out on the county music or wahtever awards the other night when Faith Hill thought she should have won best singer or something. Even though she says it was a joke. Anyway, great story, excellent job, again. God bless.