The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1111 times
Member Comments
I enjoyed the story...especially the ending. But the flashback was confusing. There was no indication other than [...] that you were switching gears.
Police and Correctional Officers are two very different law enforcement agencies. Police arrest 'em and Prison Guards (now called Correctional Officers), take care of 'em. Criminals, that is. A mite picky perhaps, but I've already read three entries about Correctional Officers; and I guess the public sees them as one in the same. Good story with great message here. Nice job, and an interesting read.
Great story! I figured out the flash-backs, but they may have been more clear if you did them in italics. I like the line about him being innocent now.
Ditto with the other comments. Some kind of separation for the flashbacks would have helped. But thank God for forgiveness that's even bigger then the biggest crimes.
I liked your story's concept. And you told it well. I too had a lil trouble w/ the flashbacks, but even if that was fixed I would have to say the story lacked a little depth at times. Meaning, I didn't feel the condemned man's remorse, or gratitude for God's saving grace. You said the right things, it just didn't minister to me. I only mention all of this to you because you are a talented writer, for sure, on the verge of all you have ever wanted to accomplish with your gift. If I didn't think so, I would just say, 'nice job' and move on. So, I just want to encourage you to develope the emotions you want the reader to feel a little more. God bless, and Pm me if you want.
I really like the idea of the converted criminal, and you gave him a distinct and real personality. I'm unclear on why it's set in the seems unnecessary here. Or, if you really want to keep it in the future, make future-y stuff play into the story more.

I'll give this one a second read--it's entirely possible that I missed something. The flashbacks didn't throw me a bit, I thought they were well done. The writing is very compelling.
Very, very VIVID. This was a great story, and you told it very well. Good job! Prisoner X9J7 was a realistic character.
"And there but for the grace of God, go I." Well done! A very potent reminder that we all have great sins laid at our feet, and great forgiveness from our Savior, who already paid the ultimate price. Well done!!
A good story and I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing it.
You may not think this is one of your best, but it's very good. I liked the futuristic elements such as the shock collar, force shield rather than bars, but I had to wonder about the text tablets. At first I thought it was a pill to take that would give you knowledge, rather than having to read! LOL! Wouldn't that be great? I enjoyed reading this. And I'm thankful that this story does happen today in prisons- prisoners coming to the Lord, I mean. Good job!