The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 966 times
Member Comments
Yikes! I won't comment on the vision except to say that you described it well--it's theological implications are beyond my learning. I will suggest that you not begin with a dictionary definition, but just get to the heart of your piece. You're right, your story is Poe-like--good writing.
Great writing in this part: Her face was a golden peach; her large round eyes matched the color of the seed inside the peach. Her soft brown curls fell to her shoulders, but one little strand of curl fell to the corners of her mouth revealing those angel white teeth as she smiled at me. Her pearly white robe glistened like the mother of pearl ring I carried on my third finger.
But you need to get to beautiful paragraphs like this faster.
I've heard of many people having similar visions - usually in a near-death experience. The desire to follow is usually in the heart of the one seeing the vision - not the vision itself. A voice very typically intercedes. It is an amazing, never to be forgotten experience.

The writing skills exhibited in the sharing this vision however need improvement to help transcend the power of the personal experience into a shared experience.

Developing it into a story instead of a personal reflection might be one way. At the very least I'd get rid of the first two paragraphs and write an opening that grabs the reader by the hand and pulls them into the vision with you.
I'm no expert on visions either; however, it bothered me that you called her "mother", saying "it is you" when your vision showed a l2 year old child. How or Why would you think it was her? I also believe Satan re-creates a "likeness" of a loved one, as in spirtualism; but in this case it was a young girl - so I am stumped along with this writer. Thanks for sharing...a well written mystery. Nicely done.