The Official Writing Challenge
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08/10/06
Nice retelling. You made it so personal. I liked the way you had Joseph react, showing his true love for Mary! Very smooth reading!!!!
Nice job. You captured the emotions of both Joseph and Mary.
08/10/06
I really like the first half of this, from Mary's POV. In the second half, you shift to Joseph's POV (maybe a few asterisks to signal your readers?), and then to a devotional. But the first half--it's light, it's lovely, and it brings us into Mary's world. Very, very nice.
08/11/06
I agree with Jan; some space between Mary and Joseph and the devotional would have made it clearer to the reader. But I really enjoyed what you wrote. Although, it makes me curious, did Mary actually have the grand wedding she envisioned after learning she was pregnant? Maybe you could do a sequel!
I like it! Good job at getting us inside the character's heads. :-)
08/11/06
Such a wonderful view into the hearts and emotions of Mary and Joseph. You expressed such tenderness of heart, obediance and vision.You made them real with everyday hopes and dreams.

Without vision we perish and without obedience to vision we perish. Wonderful story!
08/12/06
I'm not sure I like the ending. To continue with Jan's comments you shift in the final paragraph to the store teller's POV and tell us what we are supposed to think. I think leading us through the story and then letting us draw our own conclusions would provide a stronger ending. Perhaps simply cutting the final paragraph would achieve this.
08/14/06
A lovely retelling. I liked how you showed both Mary's and Joseph's POV and liked the sentence you used to indicate the change of perspective: "After Mary..." But I agree that using asterisks can help the reader make the transition, especially in the limited space of 750 words.
This was simply lovely! A nice retelling.

One small typo: I wonder how many children Joseph and we will have?

Blessings as you write for the glory of HIM!
Wow, this was a beauttiful reaccount of Mary, Rita! I loved it!
08/14/06
A nice retelling.
08/14/06
I really enjoyed this retelling. As others have said, it seems very real, and I think you really captured Joseph's emotions well. Great job.
08/14/06
Great job, Rita! Like others, my favorite part was the beginning, bringing a real personality to Mary and her expectation of the day she would become a wife -- every young woman's dream! Every time a writer helps us develop these precious personalities -- the ones into whose keeping the Father entrusted His Son -- we gain a greater understanding of His humanity wrapped around His divinity! Well done, my friend! :)
One of the best I've read this week.
08/15/06
Very nicely done - I love Bibical retellings :)
08/15/06
Very nice retelling of a familiar and loved story. The POV switch was almost too quick, but overall did not detract from the story. Nice!
08/15/06
Very nicely done, Rita! I like when writers take a factual bible story and create it into a personal one, where we can feel the emotions and ponderings of the characters. :)
08/15/06
Wonderful retelling, Rita! I agree that maybe dropping the last paragraph would be more effective. I loved the second to last paragraph!
08/21/06
Rita,
This retelling was well done. It is always a joy to read your work. Blessings.