The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/10/06
Consider telling this as a story--the 3rd paragraph has ample material! You have some compelling things to say.
08/12/06
The grammatical error in the first sentence, "seen" instead of "saw" seemed to give this nice story a bad start; However, some very important thoughts, words for the wise and a great devotional. Thanks for sharing this with us.
08/16/06
You had some wonderful thoughts.
I think this piece needs some polish - for example, many of your sentences could have been broken down into two or three in order to make it easier to read and more grammatically correct.
Overall intriguing plot. Thanks for sharing!