Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Inner Strength (04/20/06)
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TITLE: Flowers on the wall | Previous Challenge Entry
By Birdie Courtright
04/27/06 -
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In a frenzy of anger he smashed the antique mantel clock against the fireplace. The ensuing moment of silence pierced the dam that had held his emotions in check. A gut-wrenching wail dropped him to his knees.
“Why? Why Maizie?” he shouted. “Why did you do this? His emotions exploded, leaving him in a heap on the frayed carpet.
He couldn’t sleep. He tried. The same horrifying picture still appeared permanently stationed behind his eyelids: Maizie curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor.
He’d arrived home to find Gail coloring on the walls in her bedroom.
“Where’s your mother?” Gail’s eyes remained trained on the wall.
Something shifted in time as Davis drank in the mural that had obviously taken Gail the better part of the day. His heart began to race as his world slowed to a stop.
“Mommy’s in the bathroom” Her words fell softly, tugging Davis to the edge of panic. The pink crayon never stopped moving. The flowers on the wall seemed almost surreal.
“Maizie...? Maizie!” His tone grew urgent as he turned toward the bathroom door five steps away.
“Shhhh,” Gail whispered, “Mommy’s sleeping.”
Davis looked back at her in slow motion. He kicked at the door using every ounce of strength, instinctively knowing within seconds he would have none left.
She looked perfectly content on the bathroom floor. Beautiful, in fact; her long dark hair draped over one shoulder. Her delicate hands tucked beneath her head; the empty pill bottle conspicuously standing at attention on the closed toilet seat.
He reached for the half empty bottle of Gin.
His eyelids closed around the horrifying memory.
Gail behind him. “Mommy…I finished my flowers. Why doesn’t she wake up daddy?”
Touching her cold soft cheek.
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The throb bounced between both sides of his skull; his swollen eyes refused to meet daylight without similar pain.
He lowered his chin aware of the carpet etching its pattern into his skin. His nostrils were filled with a sweet fresh fragrance.
Gail’s hair. Sometime during the night she must’ve come looking for him and finding him passed out on the floor, curled up next to him.
He cupped his arm protectively over her. Instantly her head popped up.
“Daddy...”as she looked up tears began to well in her huge green eyes. “I had a dream. Mommy didn’t like my flowers. She told me to draw them on the wall to surprise you, Daddy.”
Davis pushed himself up with one arm, cradling her as another dam began to break.
“You...didn’t…wake…up! You…didn’t…open…your…eyes!” Gail was gasping for breath as her tiny body convulsed under the agony of her mother’s suicide.
In a split second, Davis understood his daughter’s terror.
They sat on the floor, clinging to each other, fighting for life. She was only five; she had no way to navigate the grief. He was thirty two, and helpless to comfort her; helpless to comfort himself.
“Oh… baby,” tears trickled through the soft ringlets as he buried his face in her hair. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry. Daddy’s here, lovey. I’m right here.”
For an hour, he rocked her in his lap, wondering if anything would ever be good again.
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Soft flakes of snow began to fall as Davis knelt down in front of the stone. The cemetery was starkly silent.
“I can’t live in this. Gail wakes up all through the night, talking about the flowers you told her to draw. She won’t let me paint her wall, because you told her to make it a ‘surprise for daddy’. I can’t even look at it.”
Davis closed his eyes. He missed her perfume, her laugh, the way she sparkled when he entered the room.
“I forgive you. I’ll never understand…I can’t even try, Maizie. We loved you.”
He drew a deep breath. The part of life he’d treasured most had vanished, the explanation remained illusive.
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Davis blinked back the tears, searching for words.
“I’ve tried to carry this, but I can’t. I need your help, God. We need you.”
He closed his eyes gently hiding Gail beneath his arm. For the first time in ten months, they slept through the night.
Maizie was gone.
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