Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: DEVOTED (02/04/21)
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TITLE: With The Fall Of The Hammer | Previous Challenge Entry
By Sue Botte
02/10/21 -
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My fragile self put up a brave front, a ‘I don’t care’ front.
Thank God he doesn’t have to be here today.
The once obvious adoration felt for each other and that was consecrated by marriage turned harmful.
With the fall of the hammer, the vow has now officially been dissolved, the “set apart by a vow”, the marital vow.
On the greater part of myself, relief rushed through me like storm water through a drain that is just just too small, almost overwhelmed me. I contained myself.
From Court House to bottle store: “One bottle of JC LeRoux La Fleurette sparkling wine please,” to the office to celebrate – indeed a celebratory occasion.
On the smaller, less obvious soul level, I came to regret to give up so easily. Not fighting the divorce, no, indeed the marriage should never have been. The divorce was a blessing; the marriage became a curse…
The word devoted was first used in English in 1586. From 1640 onwards, a different meaning became apparent “to doom, consign to some harm or evil.” In the Johnson’s Dictionary of c. 1755, the second and third meanings were “to addict, to give up to ill” and “to curse, to execrate, to doom to destruction.” By the 1800’s the word had a negative connotation, which translates to be dedicated to one’s ruin.
It reminded me of self-flagellation, zealously bringing harm to one’s own body in the name of religion, usually Christianity.
On consulting The New Bible Dictionary about the word devoted (page 311) I was surprised that it refers: see CURSE, (page 283). “A man may utter a curse, desiring another’s hurt (Job 31:30) (Genesis 12:3); or in confirmation of his own promise; or as a pledge of the truth of his testimony in law.” (Genesis 24:41; 26:28 and Nehemiah 10:29).
Being as it may with the word devoted which, and I need to do further research, is a double edged sword, I regret not believing in myself that I had the ability to raise my children on my own. In the process, I was forced to give them up, a process, which nearly took three years to finalize.
During the day, my thoughts were dedicated to my boys. Night after night, my heart ached for them; wet pillows bespoke the heartache. I longed for my two little boys, they were only three and two years of age at the time; it felt like a curse.
A few years later, it became apparent just how much time and energy he devoted, and money ‘invested’ to prevent me, their mother, from raising our children.
Through that ordeal, I have learned to be devoted to myself in maturing my soul; I became dedicated in my spiritual development through study, reading and attending courses.
I turned inward to find strength and hope. I had to keep standing for them.
I found solace in my conversations, prayers and thoughts to and about God.
This mother’s devout prayers were only for her sons.
Although I have not raised my sons through circumstances out of my control (or so I believed) and have missed the mark numerous times, I remain a mother and I remain devoted to my offspring and to my granddaughters.
You have not lived the words adore and devoted until you have lost or had to give up something far more precious than your own life.
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Word count: 583
Bibliography:
www.google.com/search... – full website address on request
www.etymonline.com/word/devote
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