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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: PUT YOUR BEST FOOT FORWARD (07/23/20)
(Fictional Character)
It was the Summer of 1979, late July, and we were experiencing multiple days in a row of what I call real scorchers. You know the kind of day where it feels like we're in a sauna, and if any moisture falls to the ground, it vanishes just as rapidly as it appeared. This tale takes place in the city of Real Town America. Regarding Johnny Redemption, a twenty-five-year-old second-year employee, and a graduate from Yale Law School.

Johnny Redemption was full of himself but yet always attempting to impress others. Have you ever known or worked with someone who feels like they needed the approval of his superior(s) as well as certain co-workers?
Johnny was always trying to climb the corporate ladder at an accelerated rate, as I believe most of us do, but his ways were highly unconventional. Johnny would offer to run errands, like picking up coffee or soft drinks for others in the office. Would you believe that Johnny never asked for any compensation for his out of pocket expenses? He offered assistance in doing their research for almost any person in the office who outranked him in the chain of command.
Oh, did I mention the fact that Johnny was very talented as well as a knowledgeable young attorney? You see, hard work and dedication typically transpire into good workplace ethics. He believed in putting his best foot forward. I, for one, find nothing to be wrong with those attributes. Hard work will get you noticed most of the time, but in Johnny's case, it was just the opposite. Something was missing in his life, and he was a lonely man around dozens of people daily.

Over some time, Johnny started missing some crucial deadlines; some of his assignments and his research were not getting completed, causing him to lose some cases as well as credibility from his employer and clients. Winning cases for those in Defense Law and primarily Corporate Law translates into revenue.
For some reason, Johnny was always attempting to be the guy to go to for whatever was needed. It was undoubtedly time for Johnny to get his head back into the game. He was very good at discovery, getting the necessary research information required in record time. Some were now saying that this young man has lost the fire in his belly. The enthusiasm that was once seen by all had diminished.

I believe that our God is always precisely where he needs to be for each of us as He is Omnipresent. Johnny decided to sit by himself, close to the large potted plants. He wanted to conceal himself to relax his mind while eating a sandwich. It turns out that Mary was there to service the plants (to water, and such). Now I also believe this not to be a fortuitous meeting but a God-Ordained encounter. For almost two years now, these young people have seen each other from afar and only wondered. In his mind, she was kind of cute, and she thought pretty much the same about him. Neither thought it to be appropriate nor did either have the courage to act upon their newfound feelings. This quirky courtship was catching a quick gaze of the other now and again.

It turns out that this was the appointed time for this unconventional relationship to blossom. Mary could see that he was down, and she had heard talk around the building that he was on the shortlist of those about to lose their job. The Holy Spirit welled up in her, and Mary excused herself and then spoke very frankly to him. She first blurted out the question, " Do you know the Lord as your Personal Savior? " He had no idea what she was talking about, he inquired, but she responded that this was not the time nor the place to discuss something so personal. Her next question was, would he like to grab a quick meal from the neighborhood diner around the corner. Mary told him that she wanted to share the "Good News" with him, and he seemed delighted (remember the Holy Ghost inspired her). After the lunchtime encounter, he was so excited that he knocked out the research pile by the end of the day—no excuse for missing his date. The very next day, Johnny walked around with the assurance of Jesus Christ as his Personal Savior. He was BORN AGAIN, and now, he was putting his best foot forward.
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This article has been read 254 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Barbara Culler 
07/31/20
That's quite a story of redemption!
Debra Brand 
08/03/20
A good story line. I would have like more showing than telling but I understood where you were going. Keep writing!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
08/04/20
This is a nice story. You do a nice job of bringing Johnny to life. Be careful of POV shifts. You use the first person singular and plural, the second person as well as the third. Instead, you might want to tell it all from Johnny's point of view. This will allow you to include thoughts, dialog, and body language and do more showing instead of telling. For me personally, I'm not a fan of the author speaking directly to the reader. I can't answer and I might not agree, but it also takes the focus off the MC. Although this is a story I've heard often, I think you did a nice job of telling it in a fresh way. Even though Johnny had a good heart, he was still lonely. He wasn't a terrible person before meeting God. Keep writing. You've a great start.
Aanu Adeoti
08/06/20
This is a nice write-up with a good storyline and lesson.
I personally feel the different parts of the write-up didn't quite flow into one another. Using more of a descriptive sense would have given more life to the script.
You are a good writer. Keep it up