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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: CHILDHOOD (03/09/17)
Oh to be a child again
without the world's scare,
innocent and trusting,
hoping the world is fair.

Children are vulnerable
so easily led astray,
so we must be very careful
in what we do and say.

Many of the world's children
live in poverty and woe,
they need help to live,
and even thrive and grow.

So many children are scarred
by some careless parents,
and dysfunctional families,
all who are a menace.

Memories of childhood
can bring joy or pain,
what we remember
can bring untold gain.

Childhood should be happy
free from worry and care,
but this is the ideal life,
but not many live there.

Children taken from parents
either at birth or stolen,
by government edict
make a missing generation.

Schemes to relocate children
like Fairbridge farm schemes,
to another country, perpetrate
an unknown scandal of shame.

So many children in orphanages
living without a parent's care,
leaves in them a lasting memory,
which is not right and really fair.


Children are a gift from God
so let us treasure them, what
Jesus said, "Let the children
come to me and forbid them not."

Let your childhood fly away
which your fantasies pursue,
who know what the future holds
and what will become of you?

Childhood is a wondrous time
so let us adults all ensue,
that it will be a happy scene,
for all the kids we knew.

Children grow up without God
in so many lands today,
so let us support the work
to bring them God's Word alway.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
03/17/17
This is quite lovely.For the most part, to my tone deaf ear it flowed nicely. Poetry is not my strong suit, so take anything I say with a grain of salt. The first thing I noticed is the title seems to be contradictory. Your poem speaks of the many woes of today's childhood, so would we actually want to go back and relive that angst? Many days my answer would still be yes, yet done with trepidation. In the next stanza, the last line sounds off to me. If they need help to live, it stands to reason they'd need help to thrive. If it works rhythmically , perhaps use something like to live (although you used it once already in this stance,so perhaps to love,) to trust and grow.
Like I said I'm not great with rhythm and rhyme and I know often repetition can be a powerful tool in poetry.
I noticed stanzas 4,7,8 didn't seem to rhyme,(although with some tweaks could be done) but I could also see where that might help drive your point home too.

Despite my critique, I think you did an outstanding job of writing on topic.I thought it quite clever to show that childhood isn't always idyllic. Perhaps a more suitable title might me Childhood; The Juxtaposition(or a corny one ;). You really made me think, and I went in a different way than I would have predicted. These are all signs of a budding artist. Kudos. I look forward to more off your work.
Phillip Cimei
03/18/17
Enjoyed your poem. It had a lot of insights into childhood, whether good or distressing. the (metre) meter seemed to be off on some verses, which put the rhythm off some. The rhyme was hard for me in stanza four and some others. All in all it was very good and I can see some more coming in the future. God bless.