Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: WEEKEND AWAY (short vacation) (07/23/15)
-
TITLE: A New LessonR | Previous Challenge Entry
By Rachel Varghese
07/30/15 -
LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
ADD TO MY FAVORITES
As dawn peeked at my window I dashed downstairs to my long awaited weekend get-away. Having been away from home for two years and working long hours, I was tired physically, mentally and spiritually. I was longing for this day. I picked up my overnight bag and headed to meet my friend, Megan. We did not tell anybody of this trip which made it thrilling. We greeted each other with a ‘high five’ as soon as she got out of the cab and dashed to the railway station and got into our train.
We watched the beautiful scenery around us pass by in the early morning hours. Everything was picture perfect and I said. “Everything is so nice.” Just as I finished saying these words there was a loud rumble and the train shook violently and several cars derailed causing a lot of damage to the train and human lives. There was screaming, shouting and crying everywhere. Some had died, some were hurt very badly and some were too dazed to do anything. Megan was in that group; she was paralyzed with shock and fear and did not know what was going on. After some time which seemed like eternity to everyone we heard the sound of ambulances and helicopters. Some people were crying out, “Finally we have got help, thank you, God.” I did not say a word. Megan’s leg was pinned under some luggage that had fallen on her and she was groaning.
My thoughts went to the prophet Jonah. God had told him to go to Nineveh and preach to the people, but he made his own decision and caused distress to his fellow passengers. He told the people who had cast lots and picked up his name that he was the cause for the storm. He also told them to throw him into the sea. They did that and the sea calmed down. I felt very guilty and wondered if I was the cause for this accident. I was supposed to take care of the Vacation Bible School children this weekend. I did not make any arrangements for that and just slipped away irresponsibly. “God am I the cause for this accident? Please forgive me.” I just thought if I slip away quietly nobody would notice. I was always regular with all my church appointments, till Megan gave this suggestion of just a weekend getaway, I fell into the trap. “I did not ask you, I shunned my duty in your sanctuary; please forgive me Lord,” I pleaded.
There was a man who never opened his mouth all through the journey, and now he was weeping. People were asking him if he was hurting and he blurted, “Yes, I have an ache in my heart.” Someone said, “We have to call the doctors and tell about him.” He went on, “I do not have a heart attack, but the wicked things that I have done in this life, hurts me. I have a lovely family that God gave me, but I have been the meanest husband, the meanest father and I am going to see an attorney to get my divorce papers filed. I was a regular church ‘goer’ when I was a boy. I used to sing in the choir and take an active part in all the church activities. When I became a teenager I fell away on the roadside of life. As days went by I rolled into the gutter of bad habits. I married a wonderful woman but was unfaithful and mean to her. I never cared for the children that God gave us. I am running away from all of them to sin city. God touched me now through this accident. As soon as we are free to get out of this train and get another one, I am going to go the opposite direction back to my home and to God’s house.” “Amen brother,” I said.
We heard the bleating sirens of the ambulances that came and helped us out of the train. Thank God, Megan did not break any bones but had a bad wound that had to be taken care of at an out-patient facility. I did not realize that I had a cut on my forehead which was also treated in the out-patient clinic. I still have a scar from this accident which always reminds me of my weekend get-away, which reminded that we have to put God first in all that we do.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.
Make sure events are in the correct order. For example, I might suggest this switch: As soon as she got out of the cab, we greeted each other with a high five, and then we dashed to catch our train.
I liked the MC's epiphany. It felt real and genuine. In my opinion, the monologue by the man was too much. It would have helped if it had been broken up by body language (He covered his face with his hands and sobbed so hard he started to hiccup.) That may have helped some, but I still think the MC's thoughts really showed the wonderful message that you were making. The man made me feel like you were trying too hard, and you didn't need to because you'd done a great job with that point already. Remember that's just my opinion and others could see it differently. Perhaps if the man had his speech first and because of his words, the MC crumpled to the ground as her epiphany knocked the wind out of her lungs and her soul, it might not have felt too preachy to me.
With that said, you did so many things right. You nailed the topic. You had a clear message and you backed that up with Scripture. Your beginning intrigued me and pulled me in, eager to continue reading. I thought that first line was brilliant. I really liked it, and it created a great picture and set the tone. I think we all need a reminder from time to time about putting God first. I know I do, and your story inspires me to do just that. I look forward to reading more of your stories.
Well done.
God bless~
God bless~