The Official Writing Challenge
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Nice story with a good message. A couple of spelling errors, but nothing that can't be fixed. Good job.
Nice job - I want to know what happened to the main character!! I was definitely engaged.
Very nice work. I hope you do well, because your work is impressive.

Just one comment, I got a little confused as far as tense. Some appeared to be present while some seemed to be past. Might just be me!

Anyhow, great job and keep up the good work.
I was unclear of the ages of these children--it seemed to me that they occasionally spoke "older" than they were. But Rachel is an awesome younster, no matter what her age is. Wish we had more like her!
This would be good for teens to read. Very good pov and interesting reading.