The Official Writing Challenge
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This had a really strong start, but I felt it lost its focus a bit as it went on. FOr example you use 'great' in three contexts - 'Great balls of fire'; the battle of the sexes to see who is greater; and 'how great thou art'. SOme really good writing in here, though
You have a very nice writing style. This piece had one too many speed bumps for me. But I know as you work some mechanics out your writing will be flowing non-stop. Whats a speed bump? When the reader has to stop on his own to figure out something. That is my biggest challenge in writing, to slow my mind down and make sure I'm paving a road that gives the reader an enjoyable journey. That said, you are a talented writer and I know I will be reading more of your work in the future. God Bless.
I particularly enjoyed how this started - I was right there feeling for the girl. I was therefore initially a little disappointed to be pulled out into a homily on the battle of the sexes. However, on reflection, it works well: the two parts complement each other well. Isn't it interesting to reflect on how society has changed?!
This is a very pleasant, rollicking read. Thanks a bunch!
This is the sort of parable-writing I think has it all. Grabbing your reader with a real life illustration serves so well for flowing naturally into the moral of the story. People receive a devotional-message while hardly realizing it. You both entertain your reader and teach them at the same time. I think this is "great," (partly because I try to write in a similar vein :)!
Good story. Very strong start. Good job.