The Official Writing Challenge
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Gerunds are killers, get rid of them, also be careful with over descriptive prose. Finally, have someone read over your work to catch common spelling and punctuation errors. I liked the storyline, there is something to work with here.
Creative story. Keep writing.
Deb- Loved this... felt the suspense... relieved by the woman's decision. Very thought provoking. Thankyou! God bless!! Patty
Great title, awesome beginning and a very interesting story overall. There was a tense shift at the end of the fourth paragraph that jarred me and the dialect of the jailer was a little distracting (for me, might not bother anyone else). Overall, this is a very good entry. I love this kind of writing!
Wow, very much a gripper! I agree that the shift in verb tense stood out...but there's a backbone to this story that is awesome. A good portrayal LIFE in the face of rescue or death. :-)