The Official Writing Challenge
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Interesting piece. I like the last line especially. I think you gave the game away a bit by talking about 'her destination'. Perhaps you could just make that a bit more obscure, and increase the surprise factor. Nice stuff
Clever twist to the theme. Helen's smarter than I am - I didn't catch on until almost the end. Actually, I thought you were doing a modern version of the Good Samaritan. Either way, it is a job well done.
Interesting... and clever twist too. God bless.
You have the old man telling her that fulfillment is not a destination, but he also says that she is already there. A little wrinkle to smooth out, perhaps? But I really liked this analogy a great deal; I thought you revealed just enough along the way, leading up to the "aha!"
This story has great potential, but needs a good deal of editing; sight instead of site, doubled up words, etc. "Fine" for the Challenge, but when honed and perfected - could make it into publication as a First Rate story.
Thanks for sharing this. You did a wonderful job. Helen mentioned saying something about her destination; I agree that would have helped the surprise factor. I really, really liked this, and I agree with Marilyn on what she said, as well.