The Official Writing Challenge
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Well done! Your character had a distinct 'voice' that remained consistent throughout the story and your description gave me a strong sense of the place your character was in - very visual. Your thumb nail sketch of the old man was just enough to make him real. So sad, isn't it, that the path to Freedom is often not explored for the most inane reasons. yeggy
A beautiful and sad allegory, written with a deft touch. I like the present tense, which is difficult to pull off. Bravo!
This must be a winner. Beautifully written, and a surprising ending. It reminds me of my friend who like your characer,is just too busy and pre-occupied to follow the road to Freedom. Etrnally tragic.
Excellent description. Sad but true that so many people put off entering because they don't like the looks of the entrance, the prospects of the journey, or figure that there is still plenty of time to do it "later". Well done.
Well written. It is sad and true that many have turned back because they do not like what the path looks like.
Liked this up to the last paragraph. Instead of a choose life or death, heaven or hell scenario, the last paragraph made it seem trivial like "freedom or what should I cook for dinner tonight?" Anyway that's what I thought. You are a good writer though.
I thought this was quite well done. Not only are so many people like this about present life adventures, but even more are like this about their future life adventures. This is also how Mariam was about Jesus' visit. He was there and she was busy cleaning. (Not sure I would be different, but...) I saw a comment that this piece left the choice a little too trivialized, but I found it accurate from many people's point of view. Only for the grace of God, it is not accurate in mine.

I think though, the person could have done a little more wavering from I should go to I shouldn't go. I mean "There are those dirty dishes, but road to freedom" instead of a steady talking oneself out of it. Or maybe have the narrator walk down the path a bit, then turn back.

It is powerful as is and I probably should leave it at that. Thank you for sharing.