The Official Writing Challenge
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02/21/06
And "end" is needed here (pardon asked for the pun) in my opinion. I might suggest rearranging your last paragraphs and putting Christ's sacrifice as the last. This was very well done nonetheless. Congratulations.
02/21/06
This is a nice rendition of the garden story. I especially love this line: "Why did you hide from me?", He asked, as He reached down to take her hand and help her up from her hiding place. It touched me, reminding me of His gentleness, though He knows all of my sin, He still comes to meet me, reaching out. I understand wanting to tie this up by ending with "the end of innocence" but I think I agree with Lynda, that you might want to reverse the order of that and Jesus' sacrifice. Very well done, I enjoyed reading this, and am thankful He lovingly desires to meet with us daily. Good job!
02/22/06
Since Adam & Eve did not WITNESS the death of Christ, I think the Author is referring to their sorrow at WITNESSING the first death...the death of an innocent animal to clothe them, that just yesterday had been their playmate and friend. Perhaps the Author could have been more specific in making this disctinction.
02/22/06
I loved the little poem! And the first half, from Eve's POV, is very good. I think you can do away with everything from "Meanwhile..." Your climax is right before that, and packs a powerful punch. Good job.
02/23/06
I agree with Jan. Everything after "Meanwhile..." takes something away from the piece. Without it, this is a well said devotional! Good article.
Good use of the topic. I loved the poem, especially this stanza:

"So I lingered awhile
To hear him out;
And as I listened
I began to doubt."

So true...when we linger in listening to anything but the voice of truth we begin to doubt.

It may be nit-picky, but you might reconsider the last stanza just a little bit... :o)

Adam was not at home...he was there with Eve. Just a thought. Good job! Keep writing.
I really enjoyed the first section and the way you told the story of the Fall. I actually wondered if Eve could have used the poem in talking to God and trying to 'excuse' her sin. I thought that the second part was a totally different style to the first - it had some good thoughts, but my suggestion would be to stick to one style. Just my thoughts. But this was well-written and I can see lots of potential. Well done.
02/26/06
I agree with one of the reviewers that said Adam was not at home but with her. Other nit-picky point is that God spoke to Adam not Eve. Adam was the head, God will always come to the head first. Just a couple of things to correct in case you want to publish.
02/27/06
I liked the first section the most - it was well done; your teaching bits don't fit the flow really well, and the take-away feeling would be much sweeter without being talked to.
03/06/06
The first part is very moving; I love it when Bible characters are brought to life this way. I think (as someone else pointed out) that the second half is too abrupt a change. Perhaps you could integrate the poem and your "teaching" into the story - from the perspective of the characters rather than your own.