Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: JOURNEY (01/13/22)
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TITLE: Light in the Midst of Darkness | Previous Challenge Entry
By Linda Berg
01/20/22 -
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This quick glance at my husband, Brad, sitting in the passenger seat next to me as I drove, made me physically shudder. I felt every wave of emotion coming up out of the pit of my stomach and racking my body with pain.
There they were. I felt them. I knew I would the moment I looked at him. There was no stopping them. Tears. Spilling once again, without even a second’s notice, down my face. Along with them, the all too familiar weight of our situation was laying heavy again in my chest.
As I pulled away from the Chiropractor's office (Brad has treatments there once a week, trying to regain some feeling in his neuropathy damaged hands, legs, and feet) because of chemotherapy for his Pancreatic Cancer, I grabbed the steering wheel tighter.
I cried out in my mind, “Father, this is so hard. Please help us!"
As Brad drifted into another time of sleep, I began a discourse with God, my heart to His.
I can’t, some 10 hours later, remember all the words I laid before my Heavenly Father this morning. But this I know; they were words of thanks for this man who honored me by asking me to be his wife, and who has shared life with me for almost 50 years. I have watched him time and time again, lay down his life for me, for our family, for others. As I see his broken, worn-down physical body, in quiet rest beside me, I see the evidence of his love for our Lord. For he often met other's needs, before his own. I thanked God for him.
I think of the day we got this horrific diagnosis, and his first attempt at real serious conversation with me about it was, “This is the day the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it.” He then took my hand and said, “This is hard news, it will be harder as time passes, but this is the way we will live it – one day at a time.” I again thanked God for him.
In my conversation with God, I wasn’t all thankful. I expressed my sadness of what appeared to me a life being cut short. “He is only 67 years, Lord, with good health before this diagnosis. We had plans. He has endured so much through this season, Father. He doesn’t grumble or complain – he just keeps doing what he always does – pushing through and trusting you.”
As I hastily laid out my pain to God, I just as quickly uttered, “Help me to trust you with this – I am so weak – help me to honor your Sovereignty over our lives.”
I saw Brad turn his head my direction, I had not realized that my nose was running, and I had made that “sucking it up” sound. He had heard it. The love in the quick glance of his eyes at me – made the tears run faster. He didn’t say a thing, he just turned his head again towards his chest to try to find some time of rest.
Oh, to be sure, this is not the first time, over the past 18 months that similar scenarios have played out in our lives. Most often me in a teary-eyed mess, trying to wrap my mind around this reality of our life’s journey as I watch my husband’s strength, energy, and physical capabilities fail him. Him, staying faithful, true, and trusting of our Heavenly Father, as we walk this out every day.
Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world, if you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.” John 8:12
We are so grateful that in this time of darkness in our life, the ever-present light of our Savior keeps us ever mindful, we live in the light that leads to life.
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Congratulations, Linda, on placing 7th in Editor's Choice. A well deserved win.