The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
04/30/21
I'm not sure because I need to study more myself, but the only thing I noticed was a change in who was telling the story...It seemed like it switched to Randall at the end. I loved this story, I was ready to tell the author they need to move to the next level after reading it. Porn has ruined more good men and lives... if only we could open up more and ask for help to stay accountable, but it is so hard to admit this sin and so many do not. We all need help from our Brothers and Sisters in Christ...and forgiveness. Jesus already gives it. Thank you!
04/30/21
Thanks for your feedback Penny! I was trying to show a dialogue between Randall and God So some of the word were Randall’s and some were God’s. Yes, I’m all for healing, accountability, and forgiveness. God is do good.
04/30/21
I am not sure if this this fiction, if not: well, you are brave and I thank your for it.

For and easy read it is best to do conversation with paragraphs in between, good content.

Keep writing.
04/30/21
This took a few times to come back to for me to know even what to say. It's such a touchy subject, and yet such a powerful truth that Jesus can save "the worst" of sinners. How easy it is for us to judge levels of sin, when the Word says if you have broken even one you have broken them all. I hope if this is a true story that both men have strong accountability set up to keep them in the right direction as they lead others in God's calling. Great article, either way. Thanks for writing it.
I think you did a nice job with this tight word count. Right on target with the story line. Good inner conflict in the first half of the story.
If it were me, I would eliminate:
“That was the day Randall gave his heart to God and he’d been following him every day since. Yes, God had forgiven him and saved his life, and Randall would continue to live for him no matter what the obstacles.”
In my opinion, in a piece like this, the reader should be able to read the story and surmise the point without you having to state it directly.


05/01/21
A difficult subject, at best, but you were able to present it where this reader was not offended. My only suggestion is to check punctuation in this entry. Also, perhaps it is just a personal preference, but when I refer to God as "him," I capitalize the word. I feel it gives Him more of the honor he deserves. But again, merely my preference.
Whoa! What an intense first line; you've piqued my curiosity immediately. By making it more realistic, you could turn it into a much stronger line: "It woulda been sick if you'd offed someone."
Just those little tweaks could make a big difference in a piece like this. The duct tape analogy is brilliant. Many are tempted to use clichés at times like this, but the words you chose is a great fit. I also like how God can still use him; he's not finished with him yet gives hope to many. You've a great take on the topic, a clear message, and you touched my heart with your words. You brought the story full circle and I really enjoyed it.
Congratulations on ranking 1st in your level and 15th overall. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.
05/12/21
Well written with a powerful first line and an important story of redemption. Looking forward to reading more of your work.
05/12/21
I just noticed I changed point of view in the last two paragraphs. Wow, I don't know how I could have read it so many times and missed it. I'm still learning!