The Official Writing Challenge
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Your subject matter does lend itself to an emotional connection with the reader, but would be drawn out more with actions that demonstrate the attitudes of the other patients.
For instance, how did
""The other patients made sure to indicate their positions in line to see the doctor."
Did they shift their positions? Glare at the mother?
Also, assigning a couple of names and some personal characteristics to the other patients would make them more relatable.
Mothers and children make great subjects, so keep refining and writing!
This story has a lot of potential to make it much longer. Keep up the good work!
08/23/20
I enjoyed this whole piece.
Nicely done. I just really am amazed at how writers all have different stories for each topic in here. And yours was very well done.
Thanks!
Blessings~
08/24/20
Your story shows how we react to disabilities and are selfish at times but then when we see true needs we are more than willing to respond. Good story!