The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 99 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
I enjoyed your descriptive introductory paragraph in particular. I felt I was right there seeing the smoke and the leaves.
Happy for the way it ended.
Keep writing.
05/01/20
I too, felt like I was a fly on the wall watching everything unfold. Good job.
Be watchful for too long sentences. Edit again before you submit. Keep writing.
Great memory!
This is a lovely love story. You have some wonderful descriptions. I'd urge you to ask someone to read aloud before submitting. I think it's easier to hear repetitive words and ideas as well as awkward phrasing (if your reader stumbles, you might want to rephrase that part) incomplete sentences or run-ons, spot random capitalization (vibrant), and clichés. (It's almost always better to use your own words versus a saying like presence of an angel.) Also in an article like this, write out abbreviations such as California, Air Force Base, and stay away from etc.) You took me down memory lane and I could easily feel your emotions and almost hear the smile in your voice. You definitely nailed the topic and I'm guessing your family will always cherish this story. Good job.