The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/05/20
Double-space between paragraphs. Sentence should read “In my brokenness” instead of “In our brokenness”. Are you speaking as a group or as an individual?
You had some extra words after “Personal Dreams” (me the me I). Also using the word “I” immediately after the word “me” sounds awkward.
Spelling errors: ‘surrending’, ‘preferrances’; ‘everyday’ should be ‘every day’.
“didn't think I will” should be “didn’t think I would”
“And all these at first glance seemed good. Until the Lord will peel off” should be “Until the Lord began to peel off”

I definitely liked your story because every Christian has to pray the prayer in Psalm 139:23-24, KJV ---the prayer asking God to search you. However, your article was difficult to read. I would strongly encourage you to use the spelling and grammar checks in the software you use. And let a friend (especially one who loves to read) look over your writing first.
I think you’re doing great. God bless!
03/07/20
I too, want more Jesus, less me!

Your entry would have been so much easier for my senior eyes to read had you put a couple of spaces between the paragraphs.

Keep up the good work!