The Official Writing Challenge
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This kind of reminds of the Chronicles of Narnia stories. Remember to capitalize your names, You sure do have a vivid imagination.
08/29/19
Take time to correct your grammar, punctuation, capitalization, etc. Also, a very common error is to use CAL-vary instead of CAV-alry. The piece is quite vivid and has a lot of potential. Showing the "can of worms theme" would give it more punch rather than stating it. Keep scribbling!
09/02/19
This is a really creative approach.

In addition to the other suggestions in the comments, I'd strongly suggest making your paragraphs shorter. It makes it easier to read. One easy way to achieve this is to add dialogue, because then you just make a new paragraph when ever there's a new speaker. Look at some entries in Masters to see examples of this, and to see examples of shorter paragraphs, even without dialogue.

You have a lot of potential with this type of entry, I think. Keep working on it.
09/03/19
I agree with the above comments. You create a great picture, but I think it needs tightened up. I also thought the ‘can of worms’ statement seemed out of place. It was implied in the story.
This is a great story with a lot of potential. You did a fine job of showing the topic throughout the piece.

Tightening it up, adding some dialog, and showing instead of telling could make it pop even more. For example, I might suggest an edit like this: Diablo, the King of Earth sneered at his mortal enemy Faith, the warrior-lion of Heaven. "I'm going to take you down! Soon everyone will bow to me alone."
Faith, a meek, magic being, and protector of the universe ignored the taunts from Diablo. Instead, he focused on the three realms: Heaven, Earth, and Hellfire. A magnificent crown adorned his head and would stay atop of his glorious mane for eternity.

Sometimes it's easier to understand if you can see an example. I tried to stay true to your voice, yet still start out with a conflict that will pull the reader in. You could take that first paragraph and cut it down a lot and then sprinkle parts of it throughout the rest of the story. Try to use active sentences instead of passive ones. You have a great message here. I hope you won't be discouraged and will continue to enter the challenge. You have a great way of telling about Jesus and his love.