The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/11/19
An adorable story that tickled my heart. Well done.
Blessings~
This is a sweet story. Oh kids are such a hoot. You have some great descriptions. Unfortunately, you also had POV shifts. The story starts from the mother's POV. Then it switches to the boy's when he's in the bathroom. The mom wasn't there so she wouldn't be able to describe the details nor know the boy's thoughts. Next you shift to both parents' thoughts. I'd suggest you write this all from Kaleb's POV. Leave out little details like Dad moving carseats and Mom cooking breakfast and baby sleeping, but tell it from the boy's perspective. You would have a great kids' story that way. You have a delightful foundation to build upon. It's a story many kids could relate to as well. It has a nice simple message. I really enjoyed it.
The title was the perfect description for what happened. At least it could wash out, and not be the trauma of a self-haircut!
07/18/19
This was a charming story. The dialog and actions could have happened in any typical family, and anyone with a son could relate.