The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I enjoyed your story - was it true? I noticed that you had three different spellings for the little boy: Mikey, Mickey and Micky. I've learned to read my entry backwards. It helps to catch spelling errors, errant punctuation and spacing issues. It's tedious, but it works!

Some of the dialoging was confusing as to who was speaking. It works better to place in their own paragraph and spaced apart.

With a little more editing, this could be a winner. Keep up the good work!
One incident is all it takes to make a good story.
This is a great story. You do a nice job of introducing conflict right away. The message is great too. I enjoyed it.
You have a good story with a strong main conflict. I've learned that it's best to not start with dialogue. It's possible, but normally not the best way. May God continue to bless your writing!