The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/18/19
This story had my attention all the way through. Very creative. But I felt the last two sentences, the ending, was a let-down. I be you could come up with something better. You are obviously clever. enough to do so.
04/19/19
What a great surprise about Minihaha! The characters were unique. Very clever. Well done!
04/19/19
A delightful little story! Very creative, with a lot of potential. The more you write (and read), the more you'll learn how to smooth out your writing around dialogue. I felt often the clarification on who was speaking wasn't necessary - it was already obvious. Sometimes phrases like "Lily said," and "Minnie asked," are already implied, so aren't needed. They could be left out all together, or some form of action could be added there instead to avoid the overuse of "said," "asked," "replied," etc. Loved your creativity, and I did not expect the mirror to fall! Good job.
Oops! I had to read this a couple of times to get the feel of what was going on, and why Lily tended to be rude. Fun story within a story.