The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 107 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
04/18/19
Paragraph two is fun, but unfortunately it gives the impression this is written from a dog's perspective. Creates some confusion. This devotional has lots of potential, but jumps around like an out of control puppy. But hey, maybe that was your intention. Some well thought out editing could make this a publishable devotional.
04/19/19
Yes, it's lovely to think about the examples in nature that God has put there to show us how to relate to Him, and you've done a good job with using the playful spaniel to do that.
You could get around Linda's valid comment by saying: "What are we barking at Mitzi?"He seemed to be saying, "Won'tyou tell me....
04/21/19
Loved this! Well done, thank you...
Blessings~
Cute story. I thought it would all be from the dogs perspective, but then it bounced around. I did not see how Baugh was clumsy, though, just a follower. You could enhance this by showing how he is a clumsy boy, and then compare to yourself. The topic needs more focus then just a word thrown in here or there. I bet it's fun watching them play!
This is a cute story. I have small yappy dogs and recognize those rabbit barks anywhere. Be careful about POV shifts. You can't know what the dog is thinking, but that's an easy fix. For example, you could do something like this: I can only imagine that Baugh might be saying something like this with his yaps: "What are we barking at, Mitzi?" Pant, pant, "Tell me so I can get in on the fun." He stops to mark his territory by the bush. "Uh, sorry about that. But nature calls. Now what was I saying?" He sniffs the air and wags his tail, his entire body trembling. "I live to bark, but it's nice to know why we're barking up a storm." He trips over his ears.
I also showed how you can add body language even for a dog to help develop his character. Because this is the musings of the MC, it's not a POV shift. You have a sense of humor too, so I also tried to show ways to add that delightful humor while still trying to stay true to your voice. I think the prayers in between are absolutely brilliant. (I might put them in italics to have them stand out.) I feel your connection to God in these prayers and it shows someone who may not know how to pray that it's just like talking to your friend. Congratulations on ranking 4th in your level. Happy Dance!