The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 50 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
04/11/19
I see a few grammatical adjustments that can be made, but overall I love this entry!

It gave me chills when Grandma was saying when the storm comes we sit still and let the Lord do His work. Such a profound statement.

If only we'd take the time to rest in His Presence during a storm in our lives.

Watch Him work. Yes!
I enjoyed this. You have a great story within in the story. I can relate to the parents because I was in and out of hospitals when my kids were little and my husband was laid off. Now I see those trials as blessings because it made my kids grow into caring, empathetic, socially aware adults.
Your opening is one whopper of a run-on sentence. You may want to tighten it up and sprinkle the back story throughout the story. For example: As rain poured down, thunder crashed, and lightning lit up the late afternoon sky. Dad rushed to his kids and started flipping off lights and unplugging cords. "Turn off your gadgets now!"
His daughter crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. "Seriously?"
Simultaneously, his younger daughter stuck out her lower lip and whined. "But why?"
Dad didn't give in to their complaints though. "Come on, everyone in the living room." He tugged his wife's arm. "You too, dear."
Those are just quick examples to show how you can tighten it up without losing the great descriptions you painted.
I thought his trek into the past was great. I wish instead of remembering it though, he explained it to the kids, brought them back to the past with him while they interjected and leaned in closer.
I tell my kids my youth stories all the time. They often know the stories almost as well as I do. I think you did a great job of building the characters. Your ending was powerful. I think you did a great job of writing on topic too. The message was a clear strong Christian message that many of us can relate to. You also did a nice job transitioning and bringing the story full circle.
04/12/19
Your story held me from the beginning to end, I enjoyed it and see you have a heart for writing...keep on, and I look forward to reading more of your entries.

Blessings~
Great story within a story. To me, it would have been less confusing if you had separated the memory and the current activity going on. It was confusing my first read through.