The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 60 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
04/11/19
This one took me back. Avalon was my first ever concert. And DC Talk, wow, I was labeled Jesus Freak in high school. I love how you look back on life and don't regret being more of a homebody. Sometimes, that's for the best.
Critique: watch your use of "that." Most of the time it isn't necessary. Read the sentence outloud with and without the word. If it still sounds good without it, chuck the "that." Great read. I had fun with this one.
This is an interesting memoir, with meanings and lessons that have molded who you have become today, therefore, I can see why these ramblings are so important to you.

In the beginning, I stumbled right away because you used It's (it is) instead of the possessive Its. Also remember big pieces if works such as movies, albums, book titles should be in italics. (Smaller works such as a song, chapter title, magazine article should have quotation marks.) The biggest piece of advice I'd give you is to tighten your writing. Go back and take out everything that is not needed to move the story forward. For example, is it really important to the reader how big the size of the poster is? If you feel it is, instead of giving measurements, which can be hard for the reader to picture, describe it in a way the reader can visualize. For example: The poster loomed in the corner, dwarfing my dorm fridge. When a story is true and has had impacted the author's life, it can feel like every single detail is important because those details have been ingrained in your memory. I would guess you could cut this by a third if you take out details that don't move the story forward. This would give you more space to add body language, dialog, and thoughts, which pulls the reader in even more. For example, you could do something by combining sentences too, like this: Third Day is still my favorite band, so I keep that ragged poster because the thought of letting go scares me.
(Since you have more word space because of compacting the sentence, you could also show why it makes you afraid.)
All of your sentences that start with A time when feels poetic, but they are also great examples of spots that could be expanded a bit to paint a more vivid picture.
I like how you compare your college days to what you see today. Things have certainly changed. You have some powerful thoughts here. You did a fine job of writing on topic too. Keep writing and blessing others with your words. Good job.
04/12/19
Great job with the topic, wonderful and creative entry.
BLessings~
I remember posters from my youth! Such pleasant memories you stirred up in your story.
04/17/19
Very descriptive account of how the simplest things can stir such strong memories.