The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/08/19
You've got some intriguing examples here of the topic, but to me it's too hodge-lodge. BUT I believe this is worth developing and finding a way for one example to flow into the other. A little work will make this article better than ever before:-).
03/08/19
Thank you for this entry that touched my heart concerning your mom. My heart smiled knowing you now "know Jesus" as your Mom did, and you know you'll see her again.

I enjoyed your segue into the topic at hand, it was unusual and different.

Well done,
God bless~
You do a nice job of focusing on the topic. I can understand many of the points you made, but I think you made the same mistake I made on my early challenge entries: you put too many examples in. In the beginning, you're talking about a mysterious it, then you jump to steak and potatoes, missing New York, and finally your mom. Since I lost my mom at a young age too, I can relate to your pain. However, almost every story I've read thus far has dealt with a loss through death. One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was when I hear the challenge topic, write down first 5 ideas that pop into your head, then throw them away because they are likely the same that everyone else thought of. I think it would have been great if you took just one idea, perhaps the fasting, and focused on that. Show the reader why you fasted, the thoughts and conversations you had while fasting, along with descriptions of longing, and finally everything you learned through the fast. You've some great foundations here for sure, but I also think you have several stories. If you click on my name, you'll see all of my stories, if you click on my first challenge entry and read it, I think you might see in my story what I'm trying to say. I've learned more about how to make my own writing better from reading and critiquing others. It really helped me to realize what works or doesn't work for me. You nailed the topic. The ending was really sweet and something everyone can relate to. You did a fine job.
Interesting take on the topic. I was confused over those first few words- huh? Like Shann said, too many examples muddied your story. The concept was very good.
03/14/19
Congrats!
Loved your tender story.
Blessings~