The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
03/07/19
I appreciate the honesty of the main character and the sweet ending to this story. I enjoyed it from beginning to end. Keep writing. :)
03/07/19
Certainly on topic and well-written. Just one stumble. A sentence that is unclear but I'm sure you can fix: 'Frozen still it would appear until he’d laid eyes on her face and then letting out a relieved and emotional sigh.'
03/08/19
Beautifully written and such a powerful piece, thank you for sharing this with us.

Blessings~
Growing up in a small town, I understand the need many have to escape. I can't imagine living anywhere else, but my siblings and all three of my kids have moved away. You did a nice job setting the scene and showing the conflict. The ending was a bit predictable, but sometimes predictable is good. It's nice to have a happy ending. It seemed like she had made a bigger mistake than moving to another town, something that James would have had a harder time forgiving. I'm not sure if you meant to show it that way, if you did, adding more details would be great. If you meant her big mistake was only moving away, maybe downplay the drama some. I understand she was embarrassed about not being able to wait to leave here, only to discover here was where she belonged. There's a great message in this sweet story.
Sweet story. I did have to read it a couple of times to clear up some confusion. Why was leaving the hometown so awful? It seemed she was punishing herself for some other deed, such as getting pregnant. I liked the happy ending.
03/14/19
Congrats!
Blessings~