The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/08/19
I can't imagine driving in snow for the first time in an unfamiliar car on the way to a place where I had to be there at a certain time. I'd have been a nervous wreck. I like your dialogue. It made me smile. I think it was a strong enough piece without adding the bit about work. Keep writing. :)
02/08/19
As someone who lives in an area that gets snow, this trek seems stressful even if it wasn't your first time in driving in snow. I enjoyed your talking back to the GPS. Great job bringing it back to a reminder that God never leaves us even when we feel that we are lost (physically or spiritually.)
02/09/19
A great story, with some excellent lines. I love the way you yanked your GPS off life support!
You're a talented writer.
02/09/19
I think your first story would have made your point. It was so engaging, I was gripping the steering wheel right along with you. The second example was good but it caused the piece to take on a teacher voice. Nothing against teachers, but the story teller was more compelling. This is not meant as criticism, but praise for the great way you told your first story!
You did a nice job of creating a sense of suspense. I live where it snows almost half the year and know it can be stressful for veterans to drive in, I can't imagine driving in it for the first time in an unfamiliar city! I noticed you used em dashes, but I think series commas would have been better. Em dashes often show an interruption of speech or thought. Also, when combining two words to make one modifier, use a hyphen (snow-covered field, four-mile trip, car-rental area). I really liked that you prayed too. I'm not sure you needed the second part of your story. I think each one could have stood on its own, which would have given you more room to add dialog, body language, and even thoughts. You do have some great descriptions in the beginning. You paint a brilliant picture too. I admit I snorted when I read the line, what could go wrong. The timing of it was great. I enjoyed this immensely.
02/13/19
Well done!
Your entry was on topic and well written.
God bless~