The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 103 times
Member Comments
Wow! A very poignant piece. Great job and well written.
What a wonderful experience you brought us through, and you showed us how extremely joyful the children were at receiving their shoes.
Good job!
Your story gave me goosebumps-so moving! Well done.
This is lovely. I love that you bring in howe foreign you felt in this situation.

There are times you can refine your writing - check out the paragraph especially where you meet the little boy - you use the phrase 'little boy' quite often -see if you can omit the phrase or use something different. It will help the story flow.
This is a powerful, well-written story. Just a couple suggestions. Leave off the last sentence, but use the name of Jesus in place of 'Lord' once or twice earlier in the story. Then if you just switch the order in what is left as last sentence, ending it with 'feet' rather than 'delivered' your ending will have more of a <I>kick</I> to it. Very good job.
I thought the article flowed nicely. Feet gross me out too but I probably would have left that out as I didn't think it added anything to the just made you seem small. I re-read without it and liked it better. Just my opinion. Thanks for sharing.
Is this a true story? Sounds like it could be. If so, you might want to indicate that in an author's note at the end of the page. I loved the story and have lived similar situations. You accurately described the event and feelings of the MC. I agreed with most comments but not the one suggesting you omit your repulsion. I think your story needed your impressions of feet to give it realism/power. I saw two spots you might reconsider: to cut words, take out the "find myself" and just write, "I followed". You have a typo in the line that said, "I prayer to" instead of prayed. A second pair of eyes on your piece might catch such typos but not always. Really nice job on this entry.
Thank you so much for your feedback, one and all. This is my first submission and I neglected the author note to explain.

This is my honest experience in Cambodia. It was beautiful, challenging, and more than once I was in situations that challenged either my faith or my grit.